Everyone on the Internet is a freaking expert. That is why I absolutely hate giving people advice on anything. Not a day goes by where someone with thousands of followers less than me on Twitter wants to give me advice on how to gain more followers. Because clearly, they are so much better at it than I am.
You can't make this crap up.
I am not sure it is an epidemic—yet, but I have noticed a disturbing trend as I sit back and wait for some social media website or another to do tricks. It is the number of self published authors who have decided to write books on self publishing. For laughs I decided to go check some of them out. An outrageous number of them are second books. That's right, these idiots think they are qualified to tell you how to make a life changing move after doing it exactly one time.
You want to get driving lessons from some punk with a learners permit?
You wouldn't even pay to get your haircut from someone who had only done it once, but someone has to be buying this garbage. Here is a hint, you can get it all for free. And starting today, you can even get it from me.
As a general rule, I don't really like blogging how to things for writers. There are a lot of personal reasons for this. The first is, I am not an expert. I publish my novels, I have been published by an indie press, and I have founded a publishing co-op. That isn't the same thing as having all the answers. That's never going to happen. The second reason is, most readers don't care. So many people forget that writers are not your target market. Despite what their sheer numbers on Twitter would lead you to believe, there are more non-writing readers than the other way around. Lastly, there are a ton of other resources out there already for free—which I am sure is where most of these How to Self Publish Your Novel people got their information from to begin with.
I am pretty sure it has been over a year since I had broke my how to rule. I might have slipped up—if someone was absolutely wrong on the Internet! But suddenly people care what I think. I have no idea when it happened. It just did. Randomly, I'd have some new follower ask me for some kind advice or something book related every week or so. Now I am up to like three a day. Many times they ask me the same kinds of questions. Since someone took the time to ask me, I like to take the time to give them the answer without just sending them to some other website. Thus, it was starting to take up more and more time. So I have decided to devote a day a week to helping other writers. I will even take questions. You can @ me on Twitter or leave them in the comments. I will do my best to get to all of them, but please try and be specific. I get asked how to publish, or even how to write a novel almost every day. That's like asking someone directions to a destination across the world. Every time I read a direct message like that I think about it for three seconds, wondering if maybe there is some easy, Twitter sized answer I hadn't considered. Then when I realize again that there isn't my brain melts down.
Don't make me do that.