Friday, July 29, 2011

Taking it to the NEXT LEVEL

Advance, retreat, advance, retreat. It seems like all I ever do these days is advance retreat.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

It seems like my attempt at self publishing was doomed from the beginning. I thought it was a lesson is perseverance. I lost an editor, I lost a friend who doubled as an editor. My husband who is in the military went TDY. Then I got a vacation, I came back and my resolve had tripled. I was ready for my book to  be out there!

I sat down. I took a breath. I read what I had written—and it was good. Better than I had remembered, better than I hoped.

Then I started talking to a friend, and I had a panic attack.

I never tried to shop around Pigments of My Imagination. I never sent it to an agent, I was so warn down from that I couldn’t make myself do it. I just couldn’t. My splintered shards of ego couldn’t take any more close calls. I have had so many, if you have read my previous posts you know I am a walking statistical impossibility. I have never met anyone with my kind of positive response that does not have an agent.

And that is not a good thing. I am not bragging, I am telling you it nearly made me quit for good. When I send out query letters, I don’t get a high. I mostly feel like I am going to throw up. The high comes from the full and partial requests—and then it’s like an emotional roulette. I am out of control, spinning wildly praying my number will come up. I am on the clouds until I hurdle to the ground. Do that enough times and you have writers whiplash. I was warn down, I was miserable.

I still think I will likely end up on my own. But if I don’t try to do this, I will have to live the rest of my life knowing that I didn’t. Wondering every day if it was the right choice. So I going to take my book, and I am going to spend some time trying to find an agent. Not forever. Just a little while, because I think sometimes we should listen to that voice inside our head. What is a few more weeks in the scheme of things?


Karen said...

Everything. Happens. For. A. Reason. Period. YOU are an amazing writer and I KNOW your time will come. Just hang in there, keep pushing along, and keep lunch down. <3

Suzi McGowen said...

Don't give up. Just don't. You're the hero of your own life, and you can't quit before the end of the story :)

Melinda S. Collins said...

Don't give up, Angela! Everything does happen for a reason. Even if it's impossible to see the why's of it right now, you'll appreciate the why's of these detours in your journey once you're on top of the NYT best-seller list!

Keep believin' in your writing and hold that chin up high. You rock and you know it! It's just taking everyone else a little longer to see it your way. :)

Patricia JL said...

You have to figure out the best route for your book. Maybe you're right and now is the chance to snag an agent and publishing contract. You can still skip the agent and find a publisher who doesn't require agents. There's always more than one way on the road to publishing.

Hayley said...

You should always go with your gut, wherever that may lead you. I wish you the best of luck in your decision (and it really sounds like that's all you need here--the *luck* of having the *right* timing. From what I've read on here you seem to have the talent, drive, and energy already. Which is why I suspect it's only a matter of time for you :)

Mandie Baxter said...

You have to do what's best for you. Give yourself time to shop an agent. If it doesn't pan out, self pub. For some people it just works, and you could be one of those people. I think self pub has come a long way. Esp with so many ereaders & apps for computers. You'll do what's right in the end, for you.

Melanie_McCullough said...

I do believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that even when life is not exactly how you want it to be, it's exactly as it's meant to be.

I'm excited that you've decided to query Pigments. If there was ever a story deserving of an agent's attention, it's Pigments. It's an original concept and it's incredibly well-written. Of course you already know how I feel about your writing. I gush about it enough. And I'm not easy to please.

In the end, if it doesn't work out, you'll be able to say you tried the traditional route. As long as you're being true to yourself and what you want for your career, you'll come out on top.

Unknown said...

I wish you all the best, Angela. Your determination will pay off!

Amanda Rudd said...

Wow, I'm so glad you've decided to trying querying Pigments! It really is a wonderful story and I think you have a very good chance of a positive response. And Melanie is right, even if it didn't work out, it's better to try than to regret never having tried.

And you'll still sell plenty of books either way. ^__^

LynNerdKelley said...

It's a constant roller coaster the entire way, and even after you're published it continues, so hang in there and enjoy the high points and do the best you can to get through the lows. It will all be worth it. I wish you all the best in whichever way you go, but it sounds like your're so close to being published.

ali cross said...

((hugs)) last year I had 24 fulls out. I had an agent call me on a Friday and tell me she was going to a conference till Tuesday but please, please would I wait to accept an offer until she got back and could talk to me. She never called back and only responded in a cursory way. I had another agent offer - and then never follow thru with the paperwork. I had yet another agent read the MS THREE times, with revisions, and still not offer. A year later and I feel so apathetic about the whole thing. I totally, TOTALLY get where you're coming from.

A few extra weeks won't hurt you and if it helps ease your mind , then all the better. Just know you have friends who believe in you and you WILL succeed.

Angela Kulig said...

Ali I WILL NOT let you story make me feel better, instead I will feel bad for both of us. I know all about that sort of crap. In fact, my dream agent, who I said was no longer my dream agent also looked at my MS 3x. I completely revised it for her in insane ways and still nothing. I am all worrie that I am going to deny an agent unagented submissions and miss out on someone awesome just because I have been so screwed over in the past.

Thanks Lyn, I sure hope so.

Amanda, thanks I better sell lots of books either way ;) I think I might be ok with that.

MEL-- you so made me cry. I hope other people feel the same way.

Mandie I am completely agree, it has, and I will. I just worry I might do the wrong thing for me.

Jolene Perry said...

I'm SO SO SO with you!!

I had SO many agents tell me it was good, they loved my writing, loved my story, but just didn't love it enough.

I finally got an agent, and the first thing we sent out totally wowed the head editor. i was thrilled, but when SHE pitched it, they said - hey we love it, just not enough.

I feel like I"m doomed to always be the girl whose writing is loved... just not enough...