Monday, September 10, 2012

Angela Kulig Confesses to Terrible Things

PhotobucketI admit it, I was the one who ate the last pack of Oreos--even if I let my husband think the kids did it! And it's true, I did want to bite my brother in law's head off when he underhandedly suggested I didn't know how to keep my email from being hacked.

But Alas, that's not the point of Patty's confession blog hop.
So I am supposed to talk about confessions in writing, reading, that sort of thing--easy as my life revolves around it; here we go.

I want to give up, all the time. That is why I am always in a hurry, that is why I never stop, because I worry if I do it will be the end of Angela Kulig--the author, and that is who I have wanted to be since I was twelve years old. It's something like almost dying every single day.

The thought of failure burns, like a new cut on an old scar and it's all I can think about. If I could have a do over of last year I'd take it. I'd never have signed with a publisher at all, I'd have a hired an editor (or three) for Skeleton Lake and not have been so trusting.

No one is perfect, and I am jealous of all of them.

Actually, that last one is a lie. I used to have serious jealousy issues with other writers that I somehow overcame. OK--it has something to do with those thousands of people who downloaded my book. thank you. You made it to where even if I died today I would have done better than 90% of the authors out there. You made me realize that I do have potential. That my life as a writer is not over. That maybe those endless stories in my head are worth writing, are worth reading.

I have written over forty books, and I am terrified of people reading them. But I am getting over it.

I read Amish fiction--don't judge me! Sometimes I need something as wholesome as a bowl of Quaker oats with no paranormal beasties or bleakness.

Sometimes I fantasize about becoming someone else and starting over.

And sometimes I ramble on in my blog posts as some kind of therapy that usually makes me feel better.

But not always.


Patricia JL said...

I think we all have moments where we want to start over and be someone new. I'm glad you're hanging in there and that I know you.

PS I'm still waiting for Pigments. =P

Clare said...

Sigh. Can't linky to the linky because it says it returns a 404. But it doesn't! So here's mine.

I'm afraid of failing too. It's like betting everything you have, your time, on something that may or may not take off. But we just have to keep going. Because one day, we will take off. It may take months or years. But if we just keep going, keep believing, keep DOING things that make our dreams reality, then they will come true. Don't wait for other people to say yes. You say yes.


Sarah said...

I hate the thought of failing or getting to a point where I just give up and hide my writings away in the back of my closet. I look up to any author who's published a book (self or traditional), regardless if the book was good or not. It's because they've crossed the bridge from writer to author.

I know it's just a feeling but don't give up! You've made it so far, and by doing so, you've become a role model to so many others. :)

Cheers from The Writer's Experiment!

Unknown said...

I think we all have those moments where failure seems entirely plausible and all too achievable. Don't worry though, you've friends who'll pull your own head out of your arse!

D. Ann said...

I've felt like this a lot. It's why I've yet to allow anyone to read more than a chapter of my work. It's also why I've rarely finished a story. I start worrying that it won't be good enough and stop writing.

Morgan Dragonwillow said...

Your words went straight to my heart. They are a reflection of my own doubts and whether I can make it. Although I haven't even published yet. Giant fear looms but I keep pushing through it. Thanks for being a mirror and expressing your feelings.